Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Any resemblance to actual events...

Let's examine the concept of making certain items of a personal nature "gratis" after a certain time of night.

Gratis: out of kindness, free, charitable

For example, let's say a woman enters a grocery store at a very brisk pace at, say, 11:20pm, heads straight to the feminine products aisle (purely an example) and seconds later approaches the checkout lane with a big extra OMG large package of products from said aisle. In my opinion, the woman should be able to head straight home and bypass the entire checkout process. Especially if register 1 is closed (even though the light is on) and the surly young man lounging by register 1 says, "he'll get you at register 5." The woman knows the clock is ticking and register 5 might as well be in Chattanooga...and where in the hell is the cashier for register 5? Oh, he's at the front desk making a "I'll be right there" gesture. (Again, just a "for instance".) Shopper discount cards need not be scanned, item(s) need not be bagged, debit card need not be swiped. No need for chit chat. No need for the pleasant "did you find everything you were looking for?" (As freakin' if!) Time is of the essence here!

But like I said, I'm just presenting the subject for debate.

Any similarities to actual persons, surly, living or dead, or any resemblance to actual events, past, present or future is purely coincidental.

Other items to consider as "gratis" after 11pm:
Baby diapers, formula, pacifier, etc.
Preparation H
Pepto Bismol
Bandages
Dark chocolate

On a serious note, here's my feedback to the cashier: Dude, DO NOT ask a woman who has just plunked down a massive package of feminine products on your checkout lane at 11:20pm if 1) she is having a pleasant night and 2) if she found everything she was looking for. The proper greeting is, "Good evening, ma'am. There is no charge for your purchase tonight. May I offer you this complimentary slab of dark chocolate as well? Would you like to hit me? Please...if it will take the edge off."

Just sayin'...

4 comments:

Suzanne said...

I just have to add to your list - toilet plunger (just saying...)

Chris said...

Hahahahaha!! Good one!

Liana said...

You crack me up!!!! I'm sitting here giggling at your post (all your posts, actually) and my DH is asking WTF are you reading. I can't even explain it to him. Just you wait till menopause. You never know when the curse will strike, it's un-nerving.

LeAnn said...

Do you pick up my brainwaves? I feel your pain (and I mean, I REALLY feel your pain - right now - this very minute).

Hilarious post!